Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
