There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
