driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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