Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
