Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
