I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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