Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
