Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
