dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
