laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
