i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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