im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
