i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
