she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
