Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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