I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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