i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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