haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
