she looked like the bat from fern gully.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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