When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
