Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
