These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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