Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
