I hate your face
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
