just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
