Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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