If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
