Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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