just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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