its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I am one with the molecules
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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