Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
