he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
