I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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