yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
