Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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