I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
