He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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