honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
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