I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Enjoy the penises
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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