We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
