i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
