they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
3pm strippers are depressing
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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