My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize