she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
