careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
