She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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