he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
