I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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