i can't believe i had my finger in that
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
