Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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