You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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