This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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