i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
