Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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