mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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