TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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