He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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