lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
