she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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