I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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