I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
