She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
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Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
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I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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