Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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