My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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