a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize