When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
